how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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