dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So. Much. Porn.
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