No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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