yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
