I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
