Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize