The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
