the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
