this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
