I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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