i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
