How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
