what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
