Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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