and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
