Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
