if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Your dad touched me again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize