Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
