Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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