Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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