Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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