You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
