me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
