I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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