GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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