Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
