My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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