So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
