I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
