Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
