yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
