no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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