Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
