Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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