Ambien. No doubt about it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
