I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
