Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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