I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
