He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i came on her dog
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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