i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
