Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
