So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
