God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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