I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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