I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
