dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
