Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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