I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
