Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
