I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
