Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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