My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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