i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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