So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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