Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
