I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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