Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
