Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Alive.
So much puke
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
