Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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