I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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