All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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