fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish you could order shots online.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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