dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love you. Go after that dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
