i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
