Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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