There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
