I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
