the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize