She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
