Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
