if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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