just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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