i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
