So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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