kristin has been a bad kristin
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh god it's open bar.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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