Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
